A last post for 2022, making way for 2023

Assalamualaikum and hello.

It’s still raining outside, like it usually does for the past few weeks. Hence the flood in Kelantan and Terengganu, and if I’m not mistaken, heading towards Pahang too now. May all those affected by the floods got the aid they need and recover from it quickly.

Anyway, it’s less than 10 days left in 2022 and it seems like just a nice time to start building up new year’s resolution. To reflect, last year, 2022, I made a resolution to change career and lost weight. I managed to do the former but failed at the later haha. So far alhamdulillah, I can say it was a good thing I decided to change job, despite having to sort of start over since I’m leaving construction industry to different sector. It has been good so far, alhamdulillah.

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It was raining again during lunch just now. I went to Nu Sentral for a quick grocery shopping, and it was drizzling. It was drizzling like in Sydney. (Eceh padahal mana2 tmpt drizzle pun sama jelah kan haha) Brought me back to 2014-2017, when I was young and careless. Not caring much the fact that I am getting wet for going though the rain. I remembered that I bought a 30 bucks jacket, it was supposed to be my winter jacket but Sab’s being Sab, I just used the same one as my rain jacket. No, it was not really waterproof haha.

How on earth did I think this was safe?

I remembered those nights that I stayed back in the library and tried to be productive with my studies. Can’t believed those four years went by so fast but I still remember those happy feeling when I saw the jacaranda blooming at the junction nearby my apartment. The feeling to tucked everything inside my backpack, hoodie on, earphone in and blasting with folk songs – and the sky started drizzling. So calming. I think there are a few nights that I purposedly walked slowly, just to enjoy the rain. Alhamdulillah, those times, I rarely get sick. These days, post-covid, I am very prone to colds and flu.

Sometimes, those short walk from uni, would be accompanied by E in my ear. We will talk about tons of things; I don’t even know how we managed to do that those times, 3-6 hours sometimes. These days, I think both of us didn’t talk much anymore. We rarely text too, guessed we are all busy with life. I am just hoping that she’s doing well over there. Well, she is indeed an important person in my life; helped me to go through Sydney very much. She still is anyway. :D

Okay, coming back to 2022-to-2023-in-few-days, my new job requires me to commute using MRT to work. I enjoyed it, to be honest, but I hoped that I didn’t have to walk much haha. Imagine going for 4 escalators just to reach the platforms? Haha, and sometimes the escalators didn’t work >.< It’s a good exercise some people told me. Well yeah, if I don’t need to carry my heavy laptop bag then it’s nice hehe.

So this post getting a bit lengthy without destination hahaha. Well, if you are expecting me to share my resolution, I can share a bit, I wanted to be wiser and matured in the way I reacted to things. Very general but hahaha oh oh! Is saving up money to buy a new phone considered a resolution? Haha.

Anyhow, enjoy your long weekend everyone! Take care and all the best for a new year. 😊

Nicknames and their values

Hi.

As of late I kept seeing people referring public figures "Tok Abah", "Abah", "Ummi" while adoring these people. Well, I feel like I have to say my stand on this haha (even though nobody asked, but why not?)

I disliked it. Very very much. I feel that these nicknames are really unnecessary. 

I remembered before, someone asked me to called her "Mama", because she wanted to build a close connection with us students. Especially when we are away from our family. But I just could not. I would always refer her as my teacher and name, I just could not comprehend calling someone unrelated to me, a stranger, no ties whatsoever (except as muslim), "Mama". I mean, when I address someone as "Mama", she has to be my mother, whom I will always always respect, love unconditionally and yeah, nobody can replace that. 

Same goes to calling politician "Abah", I mean come on, that's like so unprofessional and cringey on so many levels. Just keep in formal. Unless you really wanna marry his daughter/son then I think okaylah. 

That's all I wanna share.

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On another note, I am trying to draw. This is just to record my first flower hehe.

Take care everyone!

Reflecting the past

Hi there. How’s your Saturday? Good? Mine was relaxing. AS went out leaving just myself and RS, and RS is still sleeping from her lunch nap so yeah here I am trying to put my thoughts in words.

As I reflected alone in the buzzing sounds from lorries on the NKVE highway, I realised that one of my weaknesses is expressing my thoughts in words (verbally) concisely and accurately. I am never a master of words. I always find it difficult to express my concerns or worries; because I am always scared that it will come out wrongly and not as I intended. Though, I am learning to improve (not sure succeeding or not) but I am trying as much as possible to ‘talk’ to AS. Few years back, I think my thoughts are quite accurately presented using words written, but I have lost that skill too since I have not wrote for quite some time.

Why sudden reflections? Just practicing some interview questions haha. But really, I really impressed with people who are eloquent and beautiful with words, in whatever language. I admired those people who speaks with ease to our ears and does not hurt out feelings.

I miss Usyd Quad

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I just finished watching Emma. She reminded me of myself in a way. I am shameful but admitting that from time to time I am too proud of myself. I tend to always forgotten that the world does not resolve around myself. My surrounding have feelings, have desires, have passions and opinions; yet I tend to think that I might be the most rational and important. Oh! And there are also secrets that I might not know that others knew and I would have sounded foolish most of the time.

I always wanted to be the wise one, people say wise people say less things. But whenever I tried to be quiet, people tend to see me as troubled or sad. I guessed people need me talking rubbish to liven the air. But really, having lunch with quiet people, is a bit depressing to me. It felt as good as going lunch alone. At least don’t have to be the idiot who doesn’t speak third language.

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A friend once told me that she valued friendship more that I did. That I am no good in maintaining relationships. She meant it in a good way but what she said bothers me ever since. Sometimes I feel like I have an amnesia or something that I always forget things that happened in past. Random people who claimed to be my friends would suddenly appear and tell me that I am bad for forgetting friends. Correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t you supposed to make effort to stay in touch too? Like when I was inviting people to my wedding, there are these people who asked me to ask other acquaintances, those people who I last talked to 5-6 years ago? And I said I didn’t want to and you judged me like I’m the worst person on earth??? Hello it’s my wedding, it’s up to me who I wanted to invite and who I didn’t. Maybe I should have dis-invited you instead right? Haha.

But sometimes I am glad to have this kind of ‘amnesia’ because I can still be friends with those people who wrote bad things about me in her blog, who ditched me like I am nothing after making plans with me and who spread crazy rumours about me in school. I mean, I didn’t really forgot all these things but these things, when I really looked back, I can find the memories again but usually seemed not to exist. Same as for the things I did, I tend to forget the bad things I did and the good things I did. So when people told me “we used to be super best friends” and we have talked for 5 years, I’ll need some time to remember. Especially if we ghosted each other mutually.

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I feel like patting myself at the back if this post goes online because I actually make an effort to not sleep with RS (yeah, started writing at lunch now it’s 9.30pm). By the way this post are just to put out some thoughts inside my head in words. Just to free up some thinking space on my mind.

Till then, bye!