that rolled minyak attar

I typed the title when I was busy studying for my paper yesterday. Yeah, so distracted, tell me about it haha. Anyway, here I am again, my plan for this morning is that I want to stay awake after Fajr, eventho, last night has got to be one of my terrible night sleep. I don’t know why but it took me almost two hours trying to get myself to sleep and finally at around 2 am, I slept and kept on waking up every 30 minutes or so. OH! It's the small mocha from Ralph's café that I drink after iftar. Now it all makes sense. Hm.

Regardless, I was thinking about my late grandfather when I typed the title. What triggered the thought must be because of the video by Ustaz Don, he reminded guys to wear perfume on Eid and this scene come to play in my mind. 

I was probably in standard 2 or 3, can't remember exactly. But anyway, our family always go back to Kelantan every time it's Eid. So that year, that early morning, as usual, I got ready, wore my best dress i.e. baju kurung and headscarf and went to help mum to bring the foods up from the kitchen to the living hall. My late grandfather, is not the friendly type, he doesn’t gave you candies and bring you sightseeing in the village, probably because he had stroke. I remembered, a few times, wait, let me continue in Malay. 

Selalu, petang petang, Tok Ayoh akan baring dkt depan rumah, ada tilam dia dekat situ. Nanti cucu-cucu dia yang nakal ni sibuk lah nak berlari-lari dkt muka pintu tu. Oh, aku taktahu macam mana nak jelaskan tapi dekat rumah tu, naik je tangga, ada ruangan besar jugak lah, sebelum pintu rumah. So Tok Ayoh selalu baring dkt situ lah. Kadang-kadang waktu tengah sibuk main tu, nanti Tok Ayoh suruh pijak belakang dia. Kenapa? Oh sebab nak urut dia lah. Aku kecik lagi kot masa tu, so pijak belakang Tok Ayoh okay lagi, tapi risaulah juga sebab yelah, still pijak orang kan tapi sebab Tok Ayoh minta, aku pun buat jelah. Dan, itu jelah pun benda yang Tok Ayoh akan cakap dengan aku, bila minta pijak belakang dia.

Cuma tahun tu, aku ingat. Tok Ayoh dah siap mandi, pakai baju melayu lawa dan dia duduk dekat kerusi, tepi meja makan tu. Dia tiba tiba panggil aku, muka Tok Ayoh masa tu gembira sangat. Aku pun sebagai cucu yang baik, aku pergi dekat dia. Lepas tu dia tunjuk, 

"Ni Tok Ayoh ado goni. Nok paka?" 

Tok Ayoh pegang minyak attar masa tu, aku sumpah tak tahu apa benda tu masa tu tapi melihatkan atuk aku seronok nak bagi aku pakai, jadi apa salahnya kan? So aku hulur tangan aku, dan Tok Ayoh pun rolled kan minyak atar tu kat pergelangan tangan aku.

"Ho, cuba along bau" 

Wangi. 

Aku senyum dekat Tok Ayoh dan aku ucap terima kasih pastu aku lari pergi bagitahu adik-adik aku suruh pergi dekat Tok Ayoh. 

Tahun ni tak balik raya Kelantan lagi, tak dapat nak ziarah kubur Tok Ayoh, cuma mampu doakan dari jauh. Jujur, aku tak ada banyak sangat kenangan dengan Tok Ayoh sebab tak duduk dekat Kelantan kan. Cuma insiden raya yang ni aku ingat betul. Aku rasa mama dengan abah pun tak tahu insiden ni sebab dorang macam sibuk siapkan adik-adik yang lain masa tu. Cuma, ini antara kenangan bila balik raya kat kampung lah. 

Tahun ni raya dekat Sydney lagi, buat kali ketiga. Perasaan? Tahun ni mcm emotional sikit, tak macam tahun tahun lepas. Kenapa? Sebab ada exam lepas raya kot sebab tu lusa raya pun, aku tak semangat lansgung nak masak apa apa haha.  

Anyway, probably this would be my Eid post for this year since I'm gonna have to sit for an exam on Tuesday, so Eid Mubarak everyone! Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum! May Allah accept it from you and us.

Favourite surah :)

A couple of days ago, I was having a terrible time, emotionally drained I think. So, I decided to go online, clicked on Youtube and I type 'zikr'. I played the first playlist that popped up and tried to study. I tell you, maybe only half of myself was really studying while the other half of myself was trying to tell myself that it was alright, everything is going to be alright and what not. Oh yes, that was the night when I wrote the previous post. 

Why am I feeling sad? That, I don’t have a definite answer. 

But that is not the purpose of this post. 

It just that, when I was forcing myself to study and trying to be strong, I wasn't really listening to the playlist until somebody was crying in my ears. Who cried? It was Mishary Rashid al Afasy, he was reciting Surah Ar-Rahman. Instantly, I stopped doing whatever I was doing at the moment and I decided to restart his recitation which is the best decision that night. Since it was on Youtube, there's an English translation of the verses and a beautiful video accompanying the recitation. Silently, I followed his recitation and without realizing it, I was crying as well. So many things crossed my mind that full 13 minutes, so full of emotions and I was having mixed feelings but I felt a lot calmer and peaceful after listening to the recitation. 

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? 

I remembered that Mum was the one to introduce me to the amazing effect of this surah and this has got to be my favorite surah, of all time. I'm so glad :')

So, what's yours?

sedih

Sebagai seorang Sabrina, aku bawa satu nama yang besar maknanya. Dan orang sekitar aku sering ingatkan aku, "Sabar itu indah, Sabrina. Maka bersabarlah dengan sabar yang indah."

Menjadi seorang Ameerah pula, aku selalu diharapkan, untuk mengetuai sesuatu urusan, untuk tahu apa yang patut dan apa yang tidak. Mama selalu ulang-ulang, "Ameerah itu ketua, ketua untuk orang perempuan." 

tapi aku manusia lemah, aku punya waktu yang aku hanya mahu menangis dan menjadi lemah. contohnya seperti malam ini. 

aku kurang pasti apa penyebabnya tapi air mata murah malam ni. mungkin hati jauh dari Tuhan agaknya. mungkin aku rindu belaian mama mungkin ataupun aku cuma menjadi aku.

Helplessness or hopeful

Sometimes when a friend tells you he/she is not in a good condition, you have absolutely no idea what to do. You silently prayed that God would make things easier for them while you slowly and quietly search for a solution, or maybe a 'painkiller' that is going to buy him/her some time so that he/she can stay strong and be able to pull through, eventually. 

Those times when you have no power to help them, you realize that this world is beyond your control. You have to see people you loved getting hurt and being tested and they are beyond your reach. That is when you have to strongly stay beside them and gives support and motivation and held their hands and never let go. It is going to hurt you as well to watch them hurting because you care, but it is okay. That is when you are doing exactly what you are supposed to. You are supposed to share the pain, the burden with them so that they can endure the pain and burden and try to make it through. You have to give them hope; Hope that things will get better if God wills.

**

It's the holy month now guys, make a lot of Duaa' for your family and friends, as well as for Muslims in Palestine, Syria and all over the world. 

I remember reading a note at the door of my school's musolla, one of the recommended duaa' during Ramadhan is to seek for forgiveness. The Duaa' goes like this;

Source: Google

Selamat beramal kawan kawan :)

Selamat maju jaya untuk peperiksaan juga.