Reflection on 23rd birthday

HI! 

K before you start judging me for blogging instead of studying, just let me clarify myself, I am technically overwhelmed with the emotion at the moment and can't focus on my work. So I need to write to pour all this - ah there's actually no word to describe the feeling. It's just so beautiful. Haha right, prolly you should continue with judging me hahaha. 

Anyway, you may already guessed the reason of this post, to share a reflection of how wonderful a week has been for me. Oh but! Before that, let me just brag on how blessed I am to be surrounded with amazing beautiful thoughful sweethearts. 

I got 2 birthday surprises this year! Yes, two! And no kidding, I was nowhere near in anticipating the celebration because I was so caught up with studies and not-sleeping so haha. I was planning on writing this blog post since last week but haha, procrastination won, so sorry guys. I am so glad, beyond thankful actually that celebration is a small one, well not one, but two. Haha. I just like the fact that I got to spend valuable moments with a few people, just enough for me to bond with them and not having to try too much. 

I love the fact no one wishes me on Facebook this year! Haha achievement unlocked! Just being weird and different here, as usual hehe. Of course, I'd prefer a long text or a direct message on Instagram but still, it's nice actually that friends took a second to write 'Happy birthday Sab' and meant it :) 

If you came to this site before, you'll notice a post on my visit to Scientology church and doing a personality test there. So one of the trait that I am lacking is of 'being appreciative'. And this week, that's one important and repetitive lesson that I am witnessing and learning from those around me. I realised that of being appreciative, one can make someone feel so free, so liberating. And those appreciation can be shown in so many ways, even in simple gestures - a hug or even a call.

"I am only 23 though, still young haha" 

'But age is just a number. Hm' 

Agreed. Though what Jake said is annoyingly wise haha. But yes, growing up a year older is nothing if my life is exactly the same like the year before. It would have been 'just a number' if nothing changed and no lesson learnt. And actually, age is just a measurement how many years we've lived, not on what we have achieved. In other words, it's a reminder that we are running out of time and have we done enough for those time we've been living? 

Though on a side note, what is time? Is the past, present or future is real? If it does not happened yet, how come you can say that it is real? 

Haha too much philosophy stuff that I don’t have the knowledge to talk much hihi, okay so back to my reflection.

It's important to actually express gratitude to people around you, the practice is actually supportive and healing. To both parties;the one that is giving as well as the one receiving the appreciation. It is detrimental to our hearts and mental health (yeah I don't have a reference on this but it's true, if you disagree, please let me know). 

So, take time to write a long handwritten message describing how much you appreciate your loved ones, give them a call, tell them you loved them, tell them how you enjoyed their company, cook them their cravings, write post-it notes in their books, send postcards, hugs them and do things that's gonna make them smile! Life would at least seen not as terrifying, knowing that you're not alone. <3 

Alhamdulillah 'alaa kulli haal. 

*******
Update on 16th October 2017:
Additional supporting document haha :p But really, please watch this video. I shed little tears listening to his last story, probably because I did the same during my SPM, I wrote about my mum. <3

scattered thoughts

"This is not a flat white, so bland" 

My thoughts exactly after my first sip of the flat white that I bought at Fisher cart just now. Reminded of the first time someone ever called me a 'coffee-snob', yeah, Jake called me that, right after our first coffee sesh together in TTDI. I don't blame him though, *k my thoughts disappear 'cause Sha came just now haha* but I think I want to say something about my standards are a tad bit high? Or maybe not HAHA

Anyway, when I was taking the lift to level 6 just now, I was about to miss the lift because people were crossing in front of me so I quickly pressed the 'up' button again but the old guy who just came out from the lift actually stopped the lift for me. An old guy, he was pushing his trolley, I guess he works in this library but he smiled at me and only let go right after I went in.

This is a good cup pf flat white btw

This simple incident, reminds me that there are still people who are not skeptical because I wore a hijab, who are nice human beings that doesn't mind sacrificing a minute or two to make someone else day better. Can you just imagine if I miss the lift? I had to wait maybe for another couple of minutes and prolly I won't end up here because I'll be normal, my happiness scale is constant and nothing happened worth talking to or pondering upon. But that's not what happened. Someone was kind to me and my mood was elevated a bit and since this blog is one of my happy place, here I am.

"Kopi ni still tak sedap btw haha, too watery"

Repetitively, I've been telling my housemates that they only have two months to fight with me, to argue with me and to spend time with me. Can't believe that I actually have like two months left to finish my degree. Not to mentioned, attending the career fair a few days ago, freaked me out a bit and talking to dad really helped. Haha, I guess adulting is kinda scary, for me at least. Need to think about work, making money, about further studies, finding life partner etc. Then again, how interesting can life be if I were to remain like this forever? Might as well try to pursue something since the pursuit of desires are always more satisfactory than the attainment of it. 

Okay, let me get back to lab report. Write again soon! 

Bye.

A motivation, reflection and reminder.

Hi there, it's spring break now. Got tons of work to do but I'm gonna take a two-day off anyway. So, here's the thing, I attended an annual workshop by my sponsor two days ago, and our advisor showed us this motivational video, which I found quite interesting. It does lift up my motivation a little bit. Here's the video,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sK3wJAxGfs

Just wondering, what happened to most of us nowadays? Why are we belittling ourselves and keep telling that we're weak, when in fact, we can push ourselves more than we usually do? It's not easy, it's hard, it's a tough road but nevertheless, we can do this, inshaAllah. 

******

"Ustaz ada nasihat untuk bekalan kami?"

'Jagalah Allah, maka Allah akan menjaga kamu. Apa-apa pun yang kamu buat, kamu jagalah hubungan kamu dengan Allah.'

Source: https://sunnah.com/nawawi40/19

*******

Whatever you are going through, know that you will be able to do it, inshaAllah.

Take care :)

An unintended visit to Scientology church

It was Tuesday, I had no class to attend so I thought, why not go to the city for a change of air after a few days dreading over something I had no control upon. Anyway, I was on my way to drop the postcards for a few friends when a guy approached me, asked me if I have some time to spare because he's conducting a survey. There are only three questions he said. So I said, yeah sure why not? Even though at that time the traffic light has turned green for the pedestrian to cross. Since I was in no hurry so I decided to entertain his questions, which are as follows: 

1. What do you always wanted to become? 
2. If there's one thing you can change, what would that be? *Haha I totally cringed at my answer for this! Haha* 
3. Is there anything that you wish you had more of it? 

I think it's because of my answers, he was kind of interested and offered me a *free* personality test. And I was being as short-minded and ignorant as ever, I said yes. When we were walking to the test center, I legit have thoughts like, "What if this guy suddenly robs me or do something weird to me? Why in the world did I agree to come with a stranger? Are you really that bored that you decided to walk with this guy to someplace you don’t know?" Haha, I was so carefree and couldn't care less I think, for that split second though. 

During that short walk to the 'place', he tried to make conversation, asked for my name, what I do here in Sydney and stuff but when I came to my senses, I quickly interrupted him and asked which organisation is he from, and that's when we arrived in front of the building. The Scientology Church along Castlereagh Street. He turned to me and said, "I am volunteering here. If you would like to come in and do the test, please." I was startled, but I still followed his steps inside. 

"Have you ever been to any church?" He asked.

'Oh I have been to a couple. Have been to St Mary's Cathedral a couple of times.' 

"Oh that big one?" 

'Yeah the very one in Hyde Park.' 

"Oh, even I had never been there." 

'You should, it's nice in there.' 

Then he walked me to a table and gave me a set of questions and asked me to help myself to answer the questions. And so I thought again, why not? Well, that's obviously before I looked at the questions, there are freaking 200 questions in there. Haha, I am so screwed at this point but oh wells. 

There's totally no way I'm gonna finish this in a short time if I choose to answer it properly. So, I briefly read the questions and kept on answering and finished in around 10 minutes. A girl took my answer sheet, told me to watch a video while they processed my result. So I sat there, watching a 5-min video on how to improve your success by tackling three major issues that usually encountered by most people. It was quite simple but it does make sense. 

Right after I finished watching the video, this is when a tall good-looking guy who happened to be the highlight of my visit to this church came to me and said, 

"Hi Sabrina, I'm Paul."

******

I thought I already posted this one but I actually saved it to draft HAHA. Anyhow, the story is too long to be written, so yeah, I'll just save it for personal conversation hihi.

And this is probably my only post for September though haha, sorry Angah, kaklong busy sikit. Kesian Angah asyik check blog kaklong tapi takde post baru hihi. 

Rainy Sunday

It's Sunday and it's raining outside and listening to Kodaline, Moving On just make it all on point. 

Had a conversation with a good friend just now, we talked about what we wanted in life, what we wanted to find in a partner and yeah, I guess, we're both at the age when we need to think about that. She knew me since I first arrived in Sydney, still can't forget those days when we both would be so stoked (this is an exaggeration, haha but yeah, you get what I mean) if we get to spend time at the beaches, watching both sunset and sunrise, yeah, we're both suckers for that. 

Flowers, ey? Reminded of my first birthday when those girls bought me flowers <3

Being able to sit down with her and sharing stories, it made me feel good. When I don't have to think much and she just gets me. I'm glad, no I'm thankful. When I don't have to explain much and she never question my decisions to provoke me, I like that. Haha I'm being so mushy now, it's all the rain fault HAHAHAHA. 

But anyway, oh this song is kinda cool, The One by Kodaline. Gahhhh, what an expectation…. Coming back to my anyway, I was thinking about this just now. How we all have our own pace of doing things and in growing up. 

I had a chance to sit down with a new girl two days ago, she was a bit clueless with what's going on and quite unprepared. Since her situation was kind of similar to mine when I first came here so I cannot accept why she has so many excuses in coping. I was a bit frustrated when I was trying hard to think of a solution for her so that she won't have a hard time here. I stopped talking and thinking about it for a night and today I saw her WhatsApp photo, she changed it to a picture showing her face. One advice I gave her two days ago, which I thought she wouldn’t listen. Because you know, some people need to see your face so that they can recognize you, let say you bumped into each other. So that's why I thought; 

She needs time and guidance, but she needs to learn things at her own pace. 

That's a conclusion I came to this evening about this girl. Well, that's what I've been telling myself too. 

Read a friend's blog the other day, she mentioned about giving yourself an advice, a good one. I like the way she puts it. Sometimes, we do need to be a friend to ourselves. I reflected on that post and see it to myself, and yes, sometimes, I've been a little bit too hard on myself. When things are out of place, I "volunteered" to take charge and let the people around me to sort of rely on me. So, it's like I've been lenient to people around me by doing things for them and not really allowing them to do things for me. 

To let people be in charge and trust them. 

I am going to have to learn this, on my own pace though. Slowly, I have to let people help me, so that they can grow and I can grow as well. But come to think of it, I did let people help me haha, I let them cooked for me when I'm tired. That's a good start I guess? haha 

^ This is really not a good paragraph but I have not enough break time to rewrite so let it be for now, I'll come back again and try to make it clearer, I hope so haha. 

Anyway, I end this post with Everything Works Out in The End by Kodaline. 

Bye.

postcards

Oh hello. It's Friday night and I'm having a headache and can't sleep, so this is technically an attempt to distract myself. So, bear with it haha 

I started sending postcards to family and friends when Elia introduced it to me. It took around 2-3 weeks to send a postcard from Australia to Malaysia though, had to estimate and do a lot of praying that the postcards would arrive the destination safely. Before this, I didn’t like the idea of having people reading what I wrote to someone because it's not like sealed or anything. It's all written on the piece of card and anybody who happened to get hold to the card can read it. 

All the postcards from Elia in these 3 years 

But then, after receiving the postcards from Elia, a couple of times, unexpected, it made me feel better so I thought, I should keep this going on for others as well. Oh and especially after listening to James Blunt song, Postcards 

I'm sending postcards from my heart 

With love for a postmark and then 

You know that you make me feel like we've been caught 

Like kids in the school yard again 

And I can't keep it to myself 

Can't spell it any better 

L.O.V.E forever 

I hope you know that I'm sending a postcard 

I don't care who sees what I sent 

Or if the whole world knows what's in my head 

Okay, but really. What to worry right? What privacy? It's all honesty and all the words written are from the heart, mostly when I was not thinking too much about it. So I start sending some postcards, back to Elia and others. But here's the thing, I send these postcards to everyone I can,  without selecting to whom, mostly just out of the blue, sometimes to close friends but never to strangers, yet. with an intention to make their day, as much as I tried to be unselective and random, I actually did select my receivers. And sending these, I was not expecting any replies. Never did. I did expect some acknowledgment though, like when the person receiving them tell me that they've received the postcards. Then I know that the message sent :) 

Oh and whenever friends went for a vacation, I'll ask for postcards from the places they visited. Like last time when a few of friends went to New Zealand, they sent me postcards. Few words from them enough to make me feel good receiving it, thinking that they actually thought of me when they're there witnessing the beauty the places got to offer. 

Postcards from NZ and Queensland

I also think that, postcards have this sort of magic, that it will reach the receiver at the right moment, giving a sense of pleasure and content. And sometimes, it reached at the right moment. Like this one time, I asked a friend to send a postcard from Edinburgh. Well, I waited for the postcards for almost 3 months and we both decided that they (yes they, there were three of them haha) were lost. Both of us were sort of frustrated with it, but then we just have to move on with life. Anyway, fast-forward a couple of weeks later, I had an official email from my advisor that the only degree I am getting is just a pass degree, regardless of my final marks and that just torn my heart. I felt so devastated, felt so sad and frustrated so I decided to go for a walk. Just before I left home, I checked the mailbox and there it was, a postcard from Edinburgh, that went to the Philippines first and took almost 3 months to reach me. My friend did not write much but the words soothed my troubling heart and just made me feel a whole lot better. I just had to be thankful it took 3 months, I am so glad. 

the ones on the left are from Malaysia, funnily both dated 7/10 from the same person 

No, not all postcards sent have been received though. Had a couple sent to the same person and the person failed to receive it. I have no idea what happened though, no luck for her to get a postcard from me I guess. I even remember sending a postcard to a friend even though we're studying at the same university! It's all because it is a request and why not, anything to make your friend feel better right? :) I send Udan a couple and I don’t think he can relate to it yet haha, hopefully, he'll appreciate them when he's older though. 

So yeah, I really hope I can keep doing this, especially when I have these personalized postcards from Sydney - one piece in the whole world guys, designed by me of course! Let me know your address if you want one from me! :D

First edition of #postcardsbysabmeera hihi

 Anyways, prolly enough of a blog update, not much of an update but who cares, who even reads my blog nowadays right? Bye guys! Write more later, have a good weekend! :D

Recurring lesson or reminder? Yes or no?

Recurring images of Sydney Harbour Bridge

Sometimes, we are stubborn people that needed to be reminded more than a couple of times on the same particular thing. Well, I think I am that kinda people, that’s why I am always being placed in the same-almost-similar kinda situation. Over and over again. I thought I've learned my lesson but oh man I didn’t. 

Like right now, I am in the middle of reading journals for my final year project yet here I am, updating my blog. Getting distracted even though I know pretty well that I am so going to regret this decision but still, I write haha. Stubborn or in other words, egoistic-self-prove-that-thinks-her-world-is-different-than-others-so-things-gonna-change-just-for-her hahahaha *apa benda aku mengarut ni* 

Anyways, I was saying that sometimes, things happened repeatedly because we have not yet learned the lesson from the incident. The typical-cliché example would be falling in love and failing in love. It is not in our desire to fail in love, in a relationship but the same thing happen again and again, yet we're still doing the same thing again and again so how? What lesson are we not learning? Nope, I'm not here to give you relationship advice(s) because I am terrible at it haha so yeah, go find them somewhere else 'cause I am sure there are tons of people who are generous in giving those kinda advice!

There are times when we claimed that we learned our lessons but oh man, come on, it's hard to change a habit. Though I am not really sure which one is tougher, developing a new habit or killing an old habit? Regardless, that's why I think we needed the recurring reminder. We tend to forget things when we are busy in our daily activities, whether it be studying or working, we always forget the things we wanted to change. Sometimes, we even had too many on our lists and by the end of the year, somehow, nothing was accomplished. Why? Because we are living this life in auto-pilot mode and we tend to forget things. This is possible to happen to us for a long time if we keep dismissing the recurring reminders that came in so many forms and ways. 

Don't get me wrong, but this post is a recurring post for me. To remind me that there are lessons in this life that I haven't learn and taken deep inside myself. As I was reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, I was reminded of the importance to revalue some of the things in my life. For example, fame is not important, it would suck your life if you are so into finding fame, well, at least not everyone is born to be famous, so live a little and take a break. Being famous and annoyingly stingy wouldn’t bring you any closer to people's heart. Yes, the more obvious lesson to me, was to be kinder to others.

I didn’t get quite yet the art of being kind without being misunderstood. Maybe I am still selective and still, have borders when I am kind, maybe that's what I have to change. Maybe I have just to keep being kinder to others and force myself to it that sooner or later it come naturally? But oh boy, it is so hard to remain calm and collected when someone totally refused your help and dismiss your offer immediately. 

Oh oh oh! And on patience! 

Haha, but I guess, this one is exceptional to present itself to me every day, most of the time and probably gonna stick with me for a looooooooooooong time. Just look at my name, hahaha. 

Right, I should get back to reading my journals, at least one or two for tonight. Write again soon! 

Bye!

Things I learnt from human beings called 'friends'

"I believed that friends come and go in our life. And that God allowed them into our lives to teach us something and when that's done, our responsibilities to each other are done and we say goodbyes."

I once, hold to that very tightly. I believed that a friendship will eventually end whenever the intended purpose is being realized. I honestly and shallowly think that once broken friendship can never be amended and that that is just a sign for new friendships. In essence that once I learned something from someone, it can be about patience, social skills, cooking and everything, it's done. I should no longer put so many efforts in maintaining the friendship because, just because I guess. 

Those are no longer what I hold onto though. I am learning more and more about the art of being a good friend, which requires a ton of efforts from myself, an awkward-conflicting-human being. To those who knew me well, I am not a person who express my emotions or feelings by speaking them to you. I like to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself, or I'll write. That's why sometimes people misunderstood my actions I guess, especially when they didn't know me enough. And this attitude is not normal in nowadays relationships/friendships. But I told myself, I'll try to keep up. 

Sending off a friend last night, made me reflect on a lot of things. This girl has taught me a lot of things. And she's still here in my life and I still got to call her whenever I needed a talk. Her compassion for others are limitless and beyond my limited capacity to follow, but she still teaching me that, without intention I guess. And I am glad. You know that feeling when someone is kind to you and you felt compelled to give something in return? Well, this girl, she doesn’t give me that vibe and I have absolutely no idea how she does that. Probably that's one of the things I am still learning from her. Amazing how humble people can show us a lot of positive attitudes right?

Another friend repeatedly reminds me to be grateful of people I am surrounded with. She once told me, "It a good feeling right? Knowing that people love being around with us and they keep wanting to go out with us." Those words affected more than I can ever imagine. Since I've been complaining that I am tired of hanging out with my friends and kept blaming my introvert side while it is just my ungrateful-self that does not want to push myself more for others. This lady little did she knew is that I look up to her. If I were to list the things I learned from her specifically, I'm gonna have to dedicate a very long post on it. So yeah, I hope you can pray the best for her.

Oh here's another. I've made a new friend last April. This is a well, unexpected friendship stumbled upon Instagram and blogs? Haha but anyway, even though in only a few months, he already taught me something big, something foreign for myself. He told me repeatedly not to have expectations in life. He reminded me, I don’t know if he realized this, but he did remind me the importance not to beat myself too much when things do not go to plan. To lower my expectations and that'll make me a happier person :) I guessed that this is one of the way God teaching me on how to be content with life. 

Friends walking across Sydney Harbour Bridge 

There are so many indescribable feelings that I get from each person I bumped into, unimaginable lessons I obtained just being in the presence of these people and so much, so many things, that sometimes are overwhelming but alhamdulillah, it is all in a good way.

Happy birthday Dad :D

Ada satu tahun tu, aku tak ingat pergi jalan mana tapi masa tu dalam kereta. Abah macam biasa, akan selalu bertanya soalan-soalan random dekat kiteorang adik-beradik. Selalu kena soalan English grammar dengan Abah, pastu semua pass pass nak jawab soalan, haha kelakar. Takpun Abah akan start dengan lawak hambar yang tak kelakar langsung sampai siap offer duit dekat siapa yang gelak dekat jokes dia. HAHA Tapi banyaklah benda Abah ajar dalam kereta yang aku ingat sampai sekarang, salah satunya, dia pernah tanya soalan ni;

"Okay let say Along ada courier service company." 

'Courier tu apa?' 

"Courier tu servis hantar barang tu. Yang mcm PosLaju apa semua tu" 

'Ohhhhh, okay, so lepas tu apa?' 

"So, syarikat Along punya motto nak sampaikan barang on time. So Along ada dua pilihan. Pilihan pertama, bawak kereta ikut speed limit tapi lambat sampai, so macam lambat tapi selamat. Lepas tu, Aong ada pilihan kedua bawak kereta laju betul supaya boleh sampai on time tapi possibility untuk accident tinggi. So kalau Along CEO company tu, Along nak pilihan yang mana satu?"

At that instant, I still remembered how I was unsure how to answer this. But because in my head it's important to get the job done regardless of the situation, so I answered; 

'Pilihan kedua kot Abah. Asalkan sampai on time lah kan, sebab tu motto company Along. Lagipun bukan selalu sangat kan orang accident.' 

God, how short minded I am at that age, I hope I changed the way I think now. Fuh 

"Mana boleh macam tu Along. Keselamatan tu penting. Pilihan pertama lah lebih baik. Selamat, walaupun lambat. Nyawa manusia tu lagi penting daripada sampaikan barang. Along kena faham tu. Banyak benda yang Along kena fikir, bukan setakat kejar kerja tu je. Kena fikir saman lagi and macam-macam lah……………."

Okay, sebenarnya ayat-ayat kat atas tu takdelah tepat macam yang berlaku, aku sure yang explanation Abah panjang lagi tapi intipati perbualannya macam tu lah. Jujur, masa tu aku tak faham sangat apa yang Abah nak sampaikan, sebab come on, how bad can it be kalau bawak laju? Maybelah a few accidents tapi that's about it kot. Lagi bagus daripada syarikat rugi besar. Cuma makin aku membesar ni, makin aku memahami makna soalan Abah haritu. Bila dah besar macam ni, bila kena buat keputusan besar, yang kadang-kadang melibatkan orang lain, aku nampak kepentingannya untuk berfikir secara menyeluruh. It's not only about doing it, the way we do it matters too. 

I am glad to have you Abah. You were hard on me when I was little and I realized now that I needed those treatments, it makes who I am today. Not really proud of who I am, but content. Thank you for lending me your hands when I was drowning in the mess I created myself, thank you for still having faith in me when I think no one else does, thank you for not teaching me to live luxuriously, thank you for bringing me up with the idea that I have to earn things in life and things don't just come easy and thank you thank you so much for allowing me to grow to who I am today <3 

Selamat ulang tahun Abah. <3 Semoga Abah terus diberkati Allah dan dimurahkan rezeki. Semoga kesihatan Abah bertambah baik dan urusan Abah dipermudahkan. I'll see you soon InshaAllah, gonna be that engineer-daughter and marry a good guy! AHA! :p

that rolled minyak attar

I typed the title when I was busy studying for my paper yesterday. Yeah, so distracted, tell me about it haha. Anyway, here I am again, my plan for this morning is that I want to stay awake after Fajr, eventho, last night has got to be one of my terrible night sleep. I don’t know why but it took me almost two hours trying to get myself to sleep and finally at around 2 am, I slept and kept on waking up every 30 minutes or so. OH! It's the small mocha from Ralph's café that I drink after iftar. Now it all makes sense. Hm.

Regardless, I was thinking about my late grandfather when I typed the title. What triggered the thought must be because of the video by Ustaz Don, he reminded guys to wear perfume on Eid and this scene come to play in my mind. 

I was probably in standard 2 or 3, can't remember exactly. But anyway, our family always go back to Kelantan every time it's Eid. So that year, that early morning, as usual, I got ready, wore my best dress i.e. baju kurung and headscarf and went to help mum to bring the foods up from the kitchen to the living hall. My late grandfather, is not the friendly type, he doesn’t gave you candies and bring you sightseeing in the village, probably because he had stroke. I remembered, a few times, wait, let me continue in Malay. 

Selalu, petang petang, Tok Ayoh akan baring dkt depan rumah, ada tilam dia dekat situ. Nanti cucu-cucu dia yang nakal ni sibuk lah nak berlari-lari dkt muka pintu tu. Oh, aku taktahu macam mana nak jelaskan tapi dekat rumah tu, naik je tangga, ada ruangan besar jugak lah, sebelum pintu rumah. So Tok Ayoh selalu baring dkt situ lah. Kadang-kadang waktu tengah sibuk main tu, nanti Tok Ayoh suruh pijak belakang dia. Kenapa? Oh sebab nak urut dia lah. Aku kecik lagi kot masa tu, so pijak belakang Tok Ayoh okay lagi, tapi risaulah juga sebab yelah, still pijak orang kan tapi sebab Tok Ayoh minta, aku pun buat jelah. Dan, itu jelah pun benda yang Tok Ayoh akan cakap dengan aku, bila minta pijak belakang dia.

Cuma tahun tu, aku ingat. Tok Ayoh dah siap mandi, pakai baju melayu lawa dan dia duduk dekat kerusi, tepi meja makan tu. Dia tiba tiba panggil aku, muka Tok Ayoh masa tu gembira sangat. Aku pun sebagai cucu yang baik, aku pergi dekat dia. Lepas tu dia tunjuk, 

"Ni Tok Ayoh ado goni. Nok paka?" 

Tok Ayoh pegang minyak attar masa tu, aku sumpah tak tahu apa benda tu masa tu tapi melihatkan atuk aku seronok nak bagi aku pakai, jadi apa salahnya kan? So aku hulur tangan aku, dan Tok Ayoh pun rolled kan minyak atar tu kat pergelangan tangan aku.

"Ho, cuba along bau" 

Wangi. 

Aku senyum dekat Tok Ayoh dan aku ucap terima kasih pastu aku lari pergi bagitahu adik-adik aku suruh pergi dekat Tok Ayoh. 

Tahun ni tak balik raya Kelantan lagi, tak dapat nak ziarah kubur Tok Ayoh, cuma mampu doakan dari jauh. Jujur, aku tak ada banyak sangat kenangan dengan Tok Ayoh sebab tak duduk dekat Kelantan kan. Cuma insiden raya yang ni aku ingat betul. Aku rasa mama dengan abah pun tak tahu insiden ni sebab dorang macam sibuk siapkan adik-adik yang lain masa tu. Cuma, ini antara kenangan bila balik raya kat kampung lah. 

Tahun ni raya dekat Sydney lagi, buat kali ketiga. Perasaan? Tahun ni mcm emotional sikit, tak macam tahun tahun lepas. Kenapa? Sebab ada exam lepas raya kot sebab tu lusa raya pun, aku tak semangat lansgung nak masak apa apa haha.  

Anyway, probably this would be my Eid post for this year since I'm gonna have to sit for an exam on Tuesday, so Eid Mubarak everyone! Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum! May Allah accept it from you and us.

Favourite surah :)

A couple of days ago, I was having a terrible time, emotionally drained I think. So, I decided to go online, clicked on Youtube and I type 'zikr'. I played the first playlist that popped up and tried to study. I tell you, maybe only half of myself was really studying while the other half of myself was trying to tell myself that it was alright, everything is going to be alright and what not. Oh yes, that was the night when I wrote the previous post. 

Why am I feeling sad? That, I don’t have a definite answer. 

But that is not the purpose of this post. 

It just that, when I was forcing myself to study and trying to be strong, I wasn't really listening to the playlist until somebody was crying in my ears. Who cried? It was Mishary Rashid al Afasy, he was reciting Surah Ar-Rahman. Instantly, I stopped doing whatever I was doing at the moment and I decided to restart his recitation which is the best decision that night. Since it was on Youtube, there's an English translation of the verses and a beautiful video accompanying the recitation. Silently, I followed his recitation and without realizing it, I was crying as well. So many things crossed my mind that full 13 minutes, so full of emotions and I was having mixed feelings but I felt a lot calmer and peaceful after listening to the recitation. 

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? 

I remembered that Mum was the one to introduce me to the amazing effect of this surah and this has got to be my favorite surah, of all time. I'm so glad :')

So, what's yours?

sedih

Sebagai seorang Sabrina, aku bawa satu nama yang besar maknanya. Dan orang sekitar aku sering ingatkan aku, "Sabar itu indah, Sabrina. Maka bersabarlah dengan sabar yang indah."

Menjadi seorang Ameerah pula, aku selalu diharapkan, untuk mengetuai sesuatu urusan, untuk tahu apa yang patut dan apa yang tidak. Mama selalu ulang-ulang, "Ameerah itu ketua, ketua untuk orang perempuan." 

tapi aku manusia lemah, aku punya waktu yang aku hanya mahu menangis dan menjadi lemah. contohnya seperti malam ini. 

aku kurang pasti apa penyebabnya tapi air mata murah malam ni. mungkin hati jauh dari Tuhan agaknya. mungkin aku rindu belaian mama mungkin ataupun aku cuma menjadi aku.

Helplessness or hopeful

Sometimes when a friend tells you he/she is not in a good condition, you have absolutely no idea what to do. You silently prayed that God would make things easier for them while you slowly and quietly search for a solution, or maybe a 'painkiller' that is going to buy him/her some time so that he/she can stay strong and be able to pull through, eventually. 

Those times when you have no power to help them, you realize that this world is beyond your control. You have to see people you loved getting hurt and being tested and they are beyond your reach. That is when you have to strongly stay beside them and gives support and motivation and held their hands and never let go. It is going to hurt you as well to watch them hurting because you care, but it is okay. That is when you are doing exactly what you are supposed to. You are supposed to share the pain, the burden with them so that they can endure the pain and burden and try to make it through. You have to give them hope; Hope that things will get better if God wills.

**

It's the holy month now guys, make a lot of Duaa' for your family and friends, as well as for Muslims in Palestine, Syria and all over the world. 

I remember reading a note at the door of my school's musolla, one of the recommended duaa' during Ramadhan is to seek for forgiveness. The Duaa' goes like this;

Source: Google

Selamat beramal kawan kawan :)

Selamat maju jaya untuk peperiksaan juga.

Archery 2.0

Hello there. How's your day? Mine is well, thank God. A bit tired with studies and thesis and all so here I am. I saw a post about an archery tournament in Perak so I think I should continue my archery experience. Haha I don't know who'll be interested reading this but I don't care, I just want to write this down :p 

In the last post I stopped at my archery experience in Gombak I think, you can read it here; Archery 

So, during my lower form, that is from when I was 13 till 15 years old, I compete in the tournament every year and did just alright I guess. I only went to the state tournament in my form 2, in 2008 which was held in SMT Sepang. I remembered the experience there very much actually. Since, I've got most of my seniors, that are so kind and nice and my girlfriends who are so cool as well, and my juniors! Haha senang cerita, semua orang baik and best waktu tu. And hahaha Fk was there too. So funny especially remembering when my coaches were like, "Oh Sab dah ada coach dia sendiri." when he was referring to FK since FK is an official state athlete already. And yeah, during that year, I learned a lot about teammates and had a very good time there, though I didn’t win any medal. I guess I was a bit distracted with everything else hahaha. 

Team Gombak 2008, MSS Selangor

Gombak still got first place though, all thanks to those state archers that joined our team. Now that I think about it, during archery is when I started to be friends with older guys haha. That's funny though but older guys are cooler sometimes, they are all good friends haha. Anyway, coming back to archery, it was an okay tournament but one of the highlights is the under-18 guys team. They are Mior, Aidil, Muhammad and FK. When it was the final olympic round, as in a battle of one-to-one for team category, I still remember how everyone was crazily supporting the team and but they didn’t get first place I think haha. 

Then, come 2009. Year when I have to sit for my PMR and yet, I still join the tournament but I didn’t get any medals at all. My performance dropped like soo badddddd, was so frustrated with myself that year. Anyhow, it was for the best since then I got to stay focused on my studies. 

MSSD 2009

Then, I think the highlight of my archery career was when I studied in SMS Bagan Datoh. I was the second batch and so, I was the founder of the school's team. I was doing all I can to make the life in boarding school bearable hence the muka-tak-malu-pergi-jumpa-cikgu-tanya-pasal memanah-and-minta-cikgu-wujudkan-kelab-memanah hahahaha. I sold Cikgu Mazlan's name to Cikgu Faris and haha he trusted me so he let me used the equipment. I told him it's okay if we don’t have a coach because I can coach myself *dasar sombong tak sedar diri* but he still insists on having a teacher to watch us when we train. So, there comes the young and handsome Sir Shahrin, basically because of safety and all. So yeah. 

Ala, tak seronoklah cerita dalam english, macam skema sangat so haha. So, ignore my language lepas ni okay kawan-kawan? :D 

So, mula-mula kami training dekat belakang kuarters guru. Best gila weh jadi orang pertama yang handle kelab, dengan secara automatik aku lantik diri aku jadi kapten and yes, lepas tu cikgu Faris approve lah kan. We got our equipments, all under cikgu Faris management. I can’t remember how he managed to get a few bows tapi tak silap memang sekolah sains, sukan memanah macam compulsary sport so yeah. We were preparing ourselves for a tournament in SMSTSSS (SOKSEK) haha. It was our first, we got teacher Nadrah with us though. Bestlah. 

*K tetiba aku rasa kena gi sambung belajar, nantilah sambung cerita, kbye*

It's all our fault so do something

Hi there, 

I am in between assignments and reports but I think I need this. 

A couple of months ago, I shared on my instastory that I have only done first page of my practical report and I was scolded by a senior. He told me I should start doing things faster because there's a lot to write. At that time, I was being so defensive and I was annoyed with his response. I told another friend about it and he told me, "Well your instastory is sure is misleading. I know that you've done a lot for your report. " Gah, at that time I was like, what an excellent slap in the face response! Haha, I was ashamed and embarrassed of myself at the time but he's got the point. Of course my senior didn’t know that I've actually prepared a draft for the content and the requirements from my school and his are different. He's genuinely worry and I should accept that. 

Then, I was thinking about this girl. She's been doing very well in her studies, well that's what I read on her Facebook anyway. She shared stories about her success and achievement and well of course, I am a bit intimidated and jealous of her excellent life. Well, until recently when I got to know her. She seems to have more struggle than many of us do. Or, maybe more than what I have to face. But, in my defense, it's partly her fault because she is the one decided to portray her happy excellent stress-free life on socmed, that's why people (me) seems to think that she's doing good. 

But all of us has our own problems right? 

This post is more like a self-reflection/ reminder for myself. I just want to remind myself to be kinder to people and stop judging someone's life based on their social media stories. Don’t simply think that looking at Instagram, Twitter or blogs would be enough to replace one-to-one communication. There's no harm at all with texting each other, checking up on friends and ask things happening in their life even though they don’t ask you the same. 

It's our fault if people start to go away from us and we're not doing anything about it. 

Lower your ego and self-concerns, and be kind. 

Take care.

What mum said a year ago

I had a long day at uni today, 9 am till 9 pm, I barely eat, so I was hungry and tired and needed some rest tonight but His plan was different. He kept on testing my patience and perseverance with one and one thing, it kept on coming and coming that I had to tell Mum about it, had to ask for Mum advice on how to handle it.

She gave me an advice,

"Do it sincerely, if God wills, God will replace your time that you sacrifice for something more worthy, inshaAllah."

I am just hopeful that soon enough, I'll get the strength to pull through whatever is lying in front of me.

**

This was written on April 8, 2016. I won't write much of the details of what happened but this advice cured my troubling heart at that moment, and it still does, as of today :) All praise to God.

#sabmeerainMelbourne #2.0

So, I went to Melbourne again last week. I went there once in 2015. This time, I went alone. I did invited a few friends to tag along but it did not happen. So, there I was, catching my 8.30 pm flight to Melbourne alone with an orange backpack I borrowed from my housemate. It was my first time travelling with that kind of large backpack though, was quite nervous especially when the people from the airlines started to randomly weigh some of the passengers' carry on. So scared! Adrenaline rush all of the sudden but alhamdulillah all is well :) 

I am not going to go into details of my trip. Just going to highlight a few things I think worth mentioning. So let's start :D 

#1 Camberwell Market 

I came here as well in 2015. I like this Sunday Market. Prolly because it is a very big Sunday market and this kind cannot be found in Sydney. Nothing has changed much since two years ago and I like it. Oh and I saw this two elderly couple performing at the same spot and still wearing the same hat! How heartwarming is that? 

2015

2017

I was browsing through piles of old postcards when an old guy came to the stall and started talking to seller. He told the seller that he came in 1984 and not much has changed! That's like 33 years ago. That's a long time. He said he was impressed that the guys selling postcards are still here and well, I am impressed as well! Oh and I bought a few postcards and the seller said "Ta!". I know that brings the meaning 'Thank you' but this one I learnt from a friend. He told me that it is scouser accent. I guess Australian has it too. 

#2 Mount Beauty 

The journey to Mount Beauty was something I'll never forget. We passed through Myrtleford and Bright before we reached Mount Beauty. The towns were extremely beautiful and cannot be expressed in words or even pictures actually. Sorry I did not have a lot of pictures taken at these two towns because I was driving. There are a few good ones taken by Elia. 

Myrtleford

 

En route to Mount Beauty

Autumn trees

Bright

Personally, I think I've overcame my fear. Many might not know but I am actually not quite confident with my driving and going to Mount Beauty, we have to pass through 7km of squiggly road. At first I feel like changing the driver but I just went through it. Alhamdulillah we safely arrived at Mount Beauty but sorry Elia, you got motion sickness after that! I'll practice more after this so that you'll be comfortable with me driving. Anyhow, I think I should be alright now to drive from KL to Kelantan. Feeling a little bit confident now hihi. 

#3 Shepparton Mosque 

For me, having the chance to visit local mosque while travelling is a blessing. It will be wonderful to visit the places where others used to praise God and do their 'amal. So, from Mount Beauty, we drove for another 2 hours and a half and thank God, when we arrived, there are two men closing the mosque. I quickly rushed to make sure we can still enter the mosque. So I opened the door and asked, 

"Are you closing now?" - a little impatient here haha 

'Assalamualaikum sister.' - slapped in the face Sab! You should have said you salam first! 

"Waalaikumussalam. We wanted to pray for a while if you don't mind." 

'Yeah, sure sister. Please come in. Take off your shoes and I'll show you the light switches so that you can turn them off when you are finished.' 

Alhamdulillah. I cannot but keep thanking God for allowing me to pray in this mosque, 2 hours away from Melbourne City. I hope all of you can pray for blessings for this mosque. May Allah keep guiding them and make things easy for those people praying in this mosque. 

Main prayer hall

 

#4 Abbortsford Convent 

Elia was planning to bring me to this place called The Lentils in Abbortsford Convent. At the café, you can have a pay-as-you-wish food. It's all vegan and it's buffet. So you just have to queue to get the foods and pay as much as you want when you are finished. The food is nice actually and not eating protein is kinda good of a practice sometimes, I think. 

There are something I noticed here is that people who volunteered in the kitchen are mixed from all kinds of background. Knowing that, it is somehow pleasing and somewhat beautiful. Should have taken a picture there but nope guys, I was just into the moments a little too much haha. Sorry!

#5 Good Shepherd Chapel

Oh and we visited the Good Shepherd Chapel that situated just outside the convent. We went in not knowing what to expect but the inside was somewhat beautiful. There's a guy making his prayer and I saw he was a bit concern we both of us walked in. Well, prolly because we are wearing our hijabs on but we tried our best to act chill and still come in and wonder around the chapel. I took a few pictures inside the place, hopeful that it is not rude since I took pictures of the mosque as well. Here's what we saw. 

A token we brought home

 

#6 Coffee Hunting 

Told myself that I want to drink as much coffee as I can in Melbourne and I did. Went to a lot of cafes and yeah, I am going to stop buying coffee for at least two weeks now to compensate for my ridiculous spending in Melbourne haha. But here's a few cafes you should prolly consider checking out: 

• Industry Beans - Affogato here is da bombz! 
• Little Rogue - The matcha cheesecake was absolutely delish and the coffee as well haha 
• Seven Seeds Coffee Roasters - The flat white was nice, subtle taste I can say 
• The League of Honest Coffee - This one has a very strong flavor. You can surely taste the acidity of the beans from a cup of flat white. 

Some cafes you should try :D

Okay, that's all for now from my Melbourne 2.0 trip. I'm glad I made this trip. It's educating in a sense I am still trying to gather my thoughts and organise them properly. I hope I would be able to properly articulate what I learnt from this trip in another post, not so soon though! Need to go back to reality and get good marks. 

Ttyl. Oh and take care :)