After a month in Malaysia

Hello readers, how have you been? Sorry I've been ditching this blog for a while. I was occupied with things right after my exams up until now. And yes, I still got things to do but I really wanted to make this quick note. 

Internship in GAMUDA has got to be one of the best decision I've made to spend my three months of summer break 

Why did I said so? Because the department I was assigned to was very heart-warming and supportive. I love the dynamics of the team, they work good as a team. After working with these people, I remember again why I wanted to join the associations before, it was not because to beautify my resume but it was for the experience and memories working as a team. 

Though, I can only say this based on my very inadequate 15-day working as an intern. I also thought that I wouldn’t be getting my hands on things, would probably just be doing office work, not much of a help but no. Here, they welcomed you in meetings, site visits and they always check up on you whether you are able to catch up or not. I am very thankful for this, am really thankful. 

Finally gotten the spirit to actually enjoy and learn as much as I could from this internship. 9 more weeks to go. Now, somehow it seems so short already haha. 

Was extremely grateful for my examination result 

I was very deeply thankful for the outcome as it was something remarkably well beyond my expectations. 

I am going for my fourth year next year, also my final year, InshaAllah! So glad to be able to say this :) I have promised myself that I am going to do well in my final year and make a lot of memories as well. Okay, this is personal, why did I wrote it here, lels. 

I was planning to post the open letter to you but nah, just these; 

To you, 

Congratulations on your marriage and all the best for your future. I sincerely hope that things are going to be easy for you. I hope you will get yourself someone as beautiful as you are because you had a beautiful sincere heart. I hope you will get cute and adorable kids and you get to name one of them Nurhan. I pray that you will be a good husband and a loving father to your family. If our path crossed again, I hope it'll be in Heaven. :) 

I should probably go figure out how to do the work now so till then, may all of you have a good day! 

Of friends

Hello :D 

Last week has been a little bit overwhelming for me. My stress level has achieved the peak, with having nosebleed every day for the past week as well as having headaches from time to time. I don't take it negatively as I see it as a sign that I am turning a year older and the fact that I like my birthday very much, allows me to see it positively. So yeah, I like today's date a lot; 10th October. 

Firstly because the date is so perfect, it's like 10 out of 10 so 10/10. Easy to remember as well haha. 

But the main and very important reason why I like this date because, on this time of the year, I'll be given a direct reminder that I have been blessed. My life is full of souls, beautiful souls and I should have never complained or wanted for more. I am not saying that not having people to wish you happy birthday is a bad thing, it just that, small things made me happy. I don’t need people to give me surprise birthday party to be happy (*though I'll be excited about that!*) but yeah, simple things like a long lost friend, spending three hours exchanging stories with you just to be the last person to wish you at 11.59 pm Malaysian time, or even a quick call, wishing me happy birthday instead of texting and instead of commenting on picture of myself, they pm me to wish me :) Simple gestures that sort of surprised me a little bit including my brother's wish, haha he wrote 'HB kaklong' on one the picture posted by my friend. And mum, she forgot the dates, she thought today was my birthday, lol. No wonder I didn’t get anything from her because usually, she'll be among the first to wish me. Haha. 

I am bragging about my life now but ohwells, bear with me haha. I've got two birthday cakes this year! Alhamdulillah. It's really remarkable when a person you know, don't fancy cooking dessert or cakes or baking actually bakes for you! She even made pretty decorations on the cake. Gila lah kalau tak terharu! Terharu gilaaa, rasa nak menangis je sebab terharu tapi macam tak tough and cool so haha, eh jap, english english lol. Yeah, I am super blessed to have you as my housemate. Thanks Chim! I really appreciate everything you did for me. :D I hope the best for you and pray that your journey in getting your Ph.D. would be blessed and Allah would make it easier for you :) say Amiin guys! Her name is Hasyimah Mohd Amin and I would hope that after reading this sentence you would pray for her success in getting her Ph.D. done on time and wonderfully. Thanks heap people :) 

I remember last year I've posted the same blog post saying about having a small circle of friends is very important and I still agree with that thinking. One of the reasons why I hide my birthday on Facebook, because I don’t want people to be reminded of the day by a social media algorithm. Some might not agree with me and says that birthday is a special day, but hey, it doesn’t have to be birthdays then only you can do something special for someone. You don't have to find reasons to do something special for someone. As long as you want to make her/him happy, then just do it if you think the action would make her/him happy. Though, it's good to have one day just dedicated for people wishing you. Maybe I am just a shy introvert who don’t like too much attention hehe 

Anyway last night, after a meal with a friend, she generously bought me dinner, she told me her stories about her knowing a lot of people. She said it made her feel good and she enjoyed it. That's when I thought, maybe not all of us can keep a small circle of friends. Interesting how she started sharing stories about people she met. There's this one particular incident that caused her to feel humiliated but then for me, I would feel disappointed instead. I guess not all of us perceive the same thing the same way ey? 

My post, this time, is sort of all over the place, probably because I didn’t write all these continuously. And maybe because this is just how my head is at the moment; untidy and connected and disconnected here and there. I'll get it tidied up in a bit, maybe hihi 

Anyway, another interesting thing I thought worth sharing is that a friend told me, 'remember that you are not old. It's just that your level are up'. My level is up, I am assuming that he is talking based on games, so if you level is up, that challenges increased but at the same time you have more powers, experiences and tricks. Told this to a friend and she came up with this, "so if we die, it's game over. Then, we start over in the next 'game', the Akhirah." Though you should never use the exact term 'playing' in your life or even consider this life as a game, this life is not a game like the games we played on a computer. This is not an excellent analogy on life, by the way, just one way to see it. Haha, I am no good at explaining this. Sorry people. 

Anyway, to all my friends reading this post, I love you. I believed that we've been destined to be friends and Allah has allowed it to happen and I thanked Him for that. So grateful to have you, yes you, as my friend and I could never ask for something else. To many more years of friendship, inshaAllah :) 

I might be ditching this blog for a while to focus on my studies; since my exam starts 8th Nov till 18th Nov and my parents and brothers are coming here this weekend wuhuuuuuu~ 

You take care alright?

Reflection; MEKAR Sydney 2016

Hi there. It's my fourth day of spring break and here I am in my room. Hm, I sent the lab report and had lunch at 4 pm just now and was reading the Down Under book when I suddenly remembered that I have to jot down what I learnt from the conferences I've attended during last weekend, MEKAR and Twins of Faith. So, since I've attended MEKAR on Saturday, we'll talk about it first alright? Cool. 

The theme for this year is 'Let the faith blooms'. For me, the theme is bit vague because of ignorance, yes, my ignorance, I did not register the theme in my head before attending the one-day conference. So when I was there the whole time, I had no idea what to expect and I could not figure out the theme even at the end of the conference. Now that I had to write this up, I saw the picture on the booklet and it all make sense now. Lame Sab lame. 

Anyway, the speakers for this conference are Ustaz Zamri Zanuldin and Yatt Hamzah. Both of them are from Malaysia, they came all the way to share a bit of the knowledge which I admired. Yes, maybe some of you said they hang out around in Sydney, but really, the day before the conference, they had to prepare for it and the next day, they flew back to Malaysia. I thought that could be hectic but they did it anyway, may Allah bless them, say Amiin. 

A gift from Ar-Rahman - Ustaz Zamri 

The conference was divided in three sections. The morning session was with Ustaz Zamri. His slot was titled 'A gift from Ar-Rahman'. Thankful that he did communicate with the audience, I was a bit sleepy at the start. There's a lot of activities that requires our attention and participation which indirectly prohibits the audience from falling sleep, kudos to Ustaz Zamri on that! 

He started of saying Allah is the source of the rizq. He reminded that the rizq that is attached to the worldly matter would disappear if we try to seek for it. He also said, rather than seeking the rizq, it is way better for us to invite the rizq in our life. How to do it because sometimes, inviting alone isn't enough? So, we have to try harder by increasing our invitations. We can increase our invitations by increasing these practices: 

• Congregational prayer in the masjids (for male) 
• Praying at early times 
• Dhuha prayer, Witir prayer 
• Fasting on Monday and Thursday 
• Tahajjud prayer 
• Sadaqah, giving charity 

Before I continue, allow me to continue writing in Malay for the next part because the notes that I wrote is in Malay. I am afraid that the meaning would get lost in translation. 

Jadi, antara benda yang perlu kita sedar adalah banyaknya nikmat yang Allah berikan pada kita. Ustaz berkongsi kisah tentang Rasulullah dan Aisyah. 

5 cara untuk menjadi hamba yang bersyukur.

1. Hilangkan tuhan-tuhan melainkan Allah 

• Hilangkan semua tuhan lain seperti makan, tidur, handphone, ego. 
• Rasulullah bersabda, "Allah yang mentarbiyyah aku dan Dia adalah sebaik-baik pendidik." - Hadis 
• Rasulullah sentiasa berhubung dengan Allah s.w.t., baginda tak pernah mengadu kepada manusia tentang sebarang perkara. 
• Antara tanda orang itu dah berjaya kurangkan tuhan selain Allah, adalah apabila dia mampu mendengar dengan empati, banyak menerima dan dia tak banyak argue.

2. Kuasa mengalahkan diri sendiri 

• Berhenti 'bangau'-ing. - Refer lagu 'Bangau Oh Bangau' 
• Ingat yang kita yang pilih semua benda yang berlaku dalam hidup kita. 
• Bertanggungjawab dengan pilihan kita, jangan salahkan orang lain tapi salahkan diri sendiri. 

• Bila kita mampu menyalahkan diri sendiri, kita akan ada satu kesedaran yang kita perlu berbuat sesuatu untuk memperbetulkan kesalahan kita. 
• Orang yang mampu menyalahkan diri sendiri, dia jadi seorang yang tidak banyak mengeluh dan complaint. Dia juga sedar yang ada benda yang dia boleh kawal dan tidak boleh kawal. Benda yang boleh dikawal adalah pilihan, tindakan dan persepsi diri sendiri. Jadi, orang itu fokus dalam mengawal benda-benda itu. Contoh benda yang tidak boleh dikawal adalah cinta, result exam, persekitaran, cuaca etc. 
• Kesimpulannya, jadi orang yang proaktif; tak banyak complaint, tak mem-'bangau' 

3. Menerima hukum kesengajaan 

• Kesengajaan = kehendak Allah 
• Dalil yang dikemukakan oleh Ustz adalah drp ayat di bawah; 

• Ustaz memberi penerangan yang perkataan 'telah ditetapkan' yang menunjukkan ianya telah ditakdirkan. 
• Semua benda yang berlaku telah ditulis sebelum ini. Tapi menerima hukum kesengajaan tidak bermakna kita tak perlu berusaha langsung. 
• Ingat yang ada hikmat/rahmat disebalik musibah. Ada kebaikannya, mungkin bukan sekarang tapi sentiasa ada. Ustaz ada share 9 hikmah daripada perkara yang berlaku kepada kita, antaranya; untuk menaikkan darjat, untuk menghapuskan dosa/untuk mengambil pengajaran dan untuk azab kepada hamba yang ingkar. 
• Kisah sirah Rasulullah yang berkaitan adalah semasa Perjanjian Hudaibiyyah. Perjanjian yang disangka berat sebelah namun sebenarnya banyak kebaikannya kepada pihak orang Islam. 
• Sebab Allah bagi apa yang kita perlu, bukannya apa yang kita mahu. 

4. Syukur 

• Bila seseorang tu bersyukur -> menghargai -> menyayangi -> positif/baik. 
• Cara untuk bersyukur; amalkan sujud syukur, senaraikan benda yang anda syukuri, cuba bayangkan kalau benda yang ada tu sebenarnya 'tak ada', ataupun kaitkan dengan pengalaman lama yang lebih buruk. 
• Bila kita bersyukur, kita akan jadi lebih positif dan tidak banyak complaint. 

5. Beri ekstra 

• Banyakkan sedekah. 
• Berilah ekstra kerana dengan memberi lebih akan memberi anda lebih banyak. 
• Adakah terhad kepada duit semata-mata? Tidak, boleh juga kepada komitmen, masa dan tenaga. 

Ustaz kata, item 1-3 adalah elemen untuk menjadi seorang hamba. Elemen 4 & 5 adalah elemen untuk menjadi hamba yang bersyukur. Jadi pentingnya untuk menjadi hamba yang bersyukur dan janganlah menjadi hamba yang berlagak sebab semua perkara berlaku dengan kehendak Allah sahaja. Ustaz juga ada ingatkan, pemilik hati itu Allah, maka berdoalah kepada Allah. 

I want to continue writing for the second section of MEKAR featuring Yatt Hamzah and third, which is the forum but I think this post is getting way too lengthy. And I have to apologise because I have neither notes nor any recording for the other two sections. Lastly, I really hope that there is in any way, you'll get benefited from this post, if Allah wills. 

Write again soon. 

Take care.

We are just too choosy, maybe

Hello there :D 

Alhamdulillah, my OneNote is now working again and you should see my face when I got it working again! I almost jump of excitement *maybe I did clapped my hand slowly and giggled without voice* when I managed to see my drafts again. Prolly you are wondering why I didn't just jump around like I always do when I am excited, because well, I was in the library. Most of the people were studying so have to respect them hihi.

Anyway, I scrolled through my notes there and I found this one particular draft dated; 26th May 2016. So I shared them here, something I wrote down there sort of tickle my head.

*******

Hello :) 

At the moment, I am waiting for my cold drip coffee. Well, it usually will take up to 12 hours but I've altered the process a little bit and I think that it might be finished in couple of hours. Meanwhile, I can process my video for the presentation this Monday. Since I am currently in the mood of explaining my project, so here it goes; 

I have to pair up with someone and I chose Amanda, since we both from Sunway so quite convenient to pair up with your friend. We are required to make a project using Arduino Due, bluetooth or wifi and we need to come up with an embedded system. So, we decided to make an automatic cold drip coffee maker! Yes, people, an AUTOMATIC cold drip coffee maker (Auto CDCM)! So, what is so automatic about this maker? What does it do? Well, this Auto CDCM actually would do most of the job for you, it'll be able to brew your coffee while maintaining the ideal temperature! So, you just have to press start and when the conditions are not ideal, it'll stop brewing and will ask for your attention, so you can quickly fix it up and start it again. After a few hours, voila! You'll have your cold drip coffee ready to be served the next morning! >.< 

Okay, that's most probably what I will be crapping in my video presentation. Anyway, since I am already here, I wanted to share a reflection with you. Random much? Haha, what will it be though? 

**drumrolls** 

Okay, tak payah drumrolls, but I'm just thinking how we often claimed that nobody listen, but actually deep inside we are just being too choosy. 

I am not talking about anyone else, I am talking about me here. I have that feeling also from time to time. Sometimes, I want THAT person to ask me how I was doing, how my life has been, I want THAT person to care for me, to talk to me. But in fact, at that moment, there has always been somebody that's there for me. I've noticed a friend posting on social media saying nobody cares but in fact, I always check up on her, from time to time. Maybe not all the time, but I checked up on her and every time I did that, she'll say everything is fine. Then it get quite frustrating to see that post you know, as if the fact that you cared, didn’t matter so in one way or another, the fact is that; you, didn’t matter. (or maybe I should give my friend the benefit of doubt here) 

I wanted to write about my personal experience but what had happened, it was beyond my control and I regret every inch of it. Maybe some other time, I'll share them with you. 

So are we choosy? Maybe yes, maybe not. We all get to choose, that’s our right and nobody can take it from us except God. It just that the fact that we claimed about it publicly make people hurt sometimes. True; you might tell me that the post was not directed to me, it was directed to someone else but how can I know that? If that post is so vague, how can I know where that post is being pointed to? So tell me, it is good to let out your thoughts, your worries, your overwhelming pressure on places where everyone can access? Where everyone will read and analyse and judge you? 

Where am I getting with this post actually? Haha, I don't know. It just that sometimes, when we want to post something on social media, blogs, Instagram or whatever else, maybe we can give a thought whether it would hurt people. It is hard to ensure nobody was offended but at least you try. Don't go too much of posting your picture with a friend with a caption "best-est friend ever" while actually the one who's been listening to your rants is someone else and you've been telling that person that nobody else cares. We don't want to hurt people that cared. 

Careful with what we said, careful also with what we post and careful with what we wish. We never know how wonderful this life can be :) 

Till then. Goodnight.

Into The Wild (2007)

Hello there.

I am browsing through my notes in my small diary to find something to talk about during Kutu Buku Sesh tomorrow and apparently I haven’t read a lot these days and I don’t really jotted down what I read so yeah. When tomorrow comes, we’ll see how it goes. On the other hand, I just realised that there are a lot of movies I’ve watched recently *don’t judged me haha* but it was worth it. Most of it taught me something, in some way, perhaps?

Into the Wild (2007)
I decided to watch this film because it is about a guy who had enough of his life and wanted to go travel in the Alaskan forest somewhere. He dumped all his worldly possession and left everything before starting his journey. There’s this part where he left his car and burn his money. Who in the world do that? Well, metaphorically, a smoker does that but that’s metaphorical. Anyway, this film is based on a true story which make it more touching and interesting.

“Watching this film gives me a sad depressing feeling, probably because he is a smart guy and he’s real. The pain that he has to go through is too much.”
That, I wrote in my notebook. Why I said the pain was too much? Watch the film, you’ll get it. Towards the end of the film, you’ll get suffocated with the details. Though, Christopher does emphasise about how he like living a life without money. It makes him less worry or something like that. I don’t really understand how he felt but assuming from what was portrayed in the film, I think he don’t get why his parents aren’t happy despite having a lot of money and being successful in life. He feels empty and that’s why he wanted to go out for a solo trip to find himself, to find something worth it.

Amazing people he met along the journey. I was truly touched with that part when he met that old man that allows him to stay at his home and let him use the laundry. How that old man don’t want to let him go to Alaska and wanting to adopt him. How he almost cried letting this young boy go. This story was real and it shows that out of sincere kindness, people can build relationships.

I also liked that fact that this guy has integrity and he likes to read. He reads a lot, like really a lot. And he wrote, which make it more thrilling to watch. It was a sad movie, be prepared mentally if you want to watch it. To end my review about this film, here’s what he wrote before the film ended,

“Happiness only real when shared.”

Thoughts; at 0000.

Thoughts:

- If what we say does not really matter, should we then keep it to ourselves?

- Why is it that we are always drawn to something familiar?

- Does everyone get anxious knowing that you’ll have to get to know someone new?

- What do people want when they tell you their problems? For you to comfort them by giving good advices or you telling them that what they are thinking is right?

- Is it normal to think rationally when someone is having a problem and when you yourself have one, you can’t think rationally?

- What do you do if you fall for someone you promise not to? Don’t tell me making that promise was a mistake.

- Should not you accept people kindness as well when you are being kind to others? Or else, the kindness chain would be broken, no?

- What if that person don’t know how to express himself? What if you misread his concern as nosy, sincerity as ulterior motive, frustration as anger?

- How do you know if you have forgiven someone that betrayed your trust?

- What if one day you gotten yourself a medical check-up and turns out that you are dying? Would you finish your degree or run back to your family?

- Why would we have to like surprises? 

- How would you know if what you are doing is the right thing?

- With knowledge, comes responsibility. So does it mean that if you think that you are incapable of taking the responsibility, you should not seek knowledge?

- Why does our minds start to think about all sorts of things when it is nearing midnight?

Goodnight.

optimistic or in denial

"Ada orang kata kalau makan benda masam, then kita cakap yang benda tu manis, kita optimistik. kalau kita cakap benda tu masam, maksudnya kita pessimist"

'Tapi tu bukan macam tipu diri sendiri ke? Kalau masam, kenalah cakap benda tu masam kan? Saying that it is sweet wouldn't change the fact it is sour.'

"Entah"

Letters of a Sufi Master - The Shaykh ad-Darqawi

Hi there, semester has started two days ago and so far, the classes are good. But I am not going to spend a post dedicated to new semester since nothing much has happened haha. This post is for the book, which the title is the title for this post. I found this book in Fisher Library in University of Sydney, while looking for the another book. What made me take this book home? I don't know actually, I just had a feeling that I'll enjoy reading it and I did.

the front cover is quite interesting hm

I was planning to read this book whenever I got free time and after managing to read the introduction, I received an email saying that the book has been recalled. What in the world just happened? I borrowed the book yesterday and now I have to return it within a week? I was asking a few people I know who might get interested with this book but they said they didn't recalled the book. I was sad and frustrated because the book content is a little 'heavy' to me and I don't like reading something worth giving a thought quickly, nevertheless, I don't have a choice. And what do you know, I managed to finish the book in 5 days. Thank you to the person who recalled the book, thanks. 

So what I got from this book? Quite a lot actually, but here, I am just gonna include a few things worth giving a thought. The following are some of the excerpt from the book; 

******

Ibn 'Ata-Illah says in his Hikam: "Sudden distress heralds feast days for one who aspires"; and again: "Distress is the key to spiritual gifts"; and again: "You will perhaps find a benefit in distress which you have not been able to find in fasting nor in prayer; therefore when it descends upon you, defend yourself no longer and do not be concerned with searching for some remedy, lest you drive away the good which comes toward you freely, and give up your will entirely to your Lord; then you will see marvels." Our Master used to say when someone was overcome with dismay: "Relax your mind and learn to swim." 

****** 

Sensuality is opposite of spirituality and opposites do not meet. 

****** 

Certainly all things are hidden in their opposites - gain in loss and gift in refusal, honor in humiliation, wealth in poverty, strength in weakness, abundance in restriction, rising up in falling down, life in death, victory in defeat, power in powerlessness and so on. Therefore, if a man wishes to find, let him be content to lose; if he wishes a gift, let him be content with refusal; he who desires honor must accept humiliation and he who desires wealth must be satisfied with poverty; let him who wishes to be strong be content to be weak; let him who wishes abundance be resigned to restriction; he who wishes to be raised up must allow himself to be cast down; he who desires life must accept death; he who wishes to conquer must be content to be conquered and he who desires power must be content with impotence. 

****** 

The true way to hurt the enemy is to be occupied with the love of the Friend. 

****** 

There is nothing more conducive to concentration of the heart on God than silence and fasting, just as there is nothing more conducive to dispersion than too much food and too many words, even about what concerns us. 

******

"The best of your moments is that in which you are aware of your distress and thrown back upon your own helplessness… it may be that in distress you will find benefits that have been unable to find either in prayer or in fasting." 

****** 

He who stops at opinion never arrives at realization. So cease to be busy with conjecture and never judge anything(judgement concerning something of a spiritual nature) on the basis of you individual opinion, but only after having realized it. For sincerity in deed and word destroys doubts and cares ad strengthens consciousness of divine Unity (tawhid) in the heart of him who practices it constantly. 

****** 

Lastly, my brother, I strongly advise you - "religion is sincere counsel" - not to give up the remembrance (dhikr) of your Lord, as He himself told you to do it, standing, sitting and reclining (Quran IV, 104) and in all conditions, for we need nothing but that; we, you and every man, whoever he may be. 

****** 

Most of the excerpt are self-explanatory. But I wanted to highlight that in this book, the sufi Master reminded that one who wanted to become a sufi must get a teacher, a master to guide him. On the early pages of the book, he mentioned quite seriously the importance of having a reference, a person who he can get the knowledge and the wisdom and the blessing from the master is important as well. Nevertheless, one must not forget, it is He who have the power of everything, so pray to Him and remember Him. 

I've got to go now, write again later! 

On keeping things to self

I was reading a chapter on love and brotherhood from Ihya' Ulumuddin, book II when I came across this sentence;

One wise man was asked: How can you keep matters secret? He said: I am like a grave for these matters. The heart of a fool is in his tongue and the tongue of a wise man is in his heart. In other words, the fool cannot keep secret what is in his mind and discloses it in such a place which he does not know.

I wonder how did the wise man really learn all these? How can people actually keep things in their heart and not saying anything about it?

Shoutout to my readers;

THANK YOU.

Thank you for a spending a little bit of your time to read my opinions on certain things in life, whether you would have agreed or not, I appreciate your time reading here. I hope you would find some of the things mentioned beneficial, or at least enough to trigger a thought- good thought I hope. I also want to apologize for my mistakes in my posts here, either grammatical errors or any feelings being hurt. If there's anything that I have done that has directly or indirectly hurt you in some ways, I hope you would let me know, so I can correct myself and save you from any hurt feelings again. You can just leave an anonymous comment in this post, it would not be published but I'll read it and do something about it.

My prayers goes to all of you. May you be granted happiness and success :)
Goodnight.

Advice - reflexes or not?

I am just going for a quick one here; what do you guys think about advice(s) that people gave out of reflexes and not due to proper thoughts of the matter? 

Since my sentences up there is a bit unclear, let's go through a situational-example : 

You are a female and you are having a little chat with some friends, a few guys and girls. The topic of discussion is solo backpacking. You told them how lucky guys are because they got the chance to go for solo backpacking all they want, not needing to worry too much. Then your guy friend quickly suggested that you just do it, if you want, even though you are a girl. Then you told him that your dad wouldn’t let you do it. Then he quickly added, 'then don't tell your dad before you do it'. Other friends agreed and then he suddenly add (maybe after thinking for a minute), "But if I were to have a daughter, I would never let her go for a solo backpacking trip." And when you asked why did he gave you such suggestion if he wouldn't let his daughter do it; he defended himself by saying that you are his friend and not his daughter. 

What an irony, you gave an advice that if the very same advice were given your daughter, you would not appreciate it, or maybe you actually would. I don’t know. So, really, enlighten me, why do you give advices that you would not take? Or better, why do you give advice in the first place? 

Most of us (including me) forget that when people actually tell you something, you are not obliged to give any reaction or advice or suggestion. You can actually choose to listen to it and say completely nothing. Sometimes, when my friend tell me their concerns and asked for advices, it is going to take some time for me to actually came up with a suggestion, which came only after series of questions to get the clearest picture of the situation. And sometimes, when I can't make sense of the situation, I'll just admit I don't know what to do and hope for the best for that person. 

That's why I am always surprised with some people who can quickly say something to a thing in a split second. For example, when your friend told you that her handwriting is ugly while you are being on the phone with her, don't tell her immediately that it is not true because you can't see her handwriting. There's nothing to support your claim. You might want to make her feel better but maybe you should gave it a few more seconds to actually show that you are putting effort to get her. I don't get why people tell obvious lie to make people feel better? Is it really the only way? 

Other than that, I still don't get how some people can be so fake and what-not; telling all those compliments when they actually don’t mean any of them. You might ask me how I verify this; looking at their behaviour, that is how. You witnessed some people compliments someone and all of the sudden when there's an issue exist between them, those people started to take back what they said. 

I might have not think through this thing but it bugged me. Might as well put it here and who knows you have an insight about this and decided to share them with me. 

Anyway, write again soon! Take care :)

Constant dilemma

I should be preparing for my exam which is in two days but I'll have to get this outta my head, so for those asking for my blog, *you know who you are haha* here's my latest thoughts haha. 

To some people close to me, you have known that I always have these habits on deactivating my social sites; Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc. Yeah, I'm no longer on Snapchat because of some reasons that at the moment I don't want to talk about it. And tonight, I've decided to ditch out my Instagram account. Maybe not deleting it but I'll abandon the account for now. Been doing it lately actually, not posting a lot of pictures and looking at it, might not posting anything unless I am joining for a competition or something. Haha. I've deleted a few pictures that have me in the photo. Reason for doing that? Well, my account is public so everyone can access them so yeah, I should probably control the amount of pictures of myself online. 

Interestingly, when I decided to delete each picture of myself, I asked myself, why on earth did I put these pictures? With crap so-called 'deep' caption, who am I fooling really? I really have to apologize my followers on Instagram for being so vain and too-much into myself. You might tell me that I might as well delete my account but well I can’t because let's just do it slowly, one at a time alright? Besides, what if I want to go check out some cheap Insta shop? I still need my account right, right? Haha, 

Anyway, here are those things that's been battling inside my head. 

(**The first point might be irrelevant to guys. Might be, HAHAHA**) 

"You are a muslimah (female Muslim), you covered your awrah so people won't look at you so why would you want to expose yourself online?" 

Of late, I've been having this sort of feeling that there are so many *read : REALLY A LOT* of hijabis that are so extremely beautiful. Initially, I get this feeling that there are so many muslimah that wears hijabs, decent attires- skirts, abayas, 'modest' attires and yet they look amazing. They look really fashionable wearing all these 'muslimah-style' making it alright to wear hijab. To be honest, I am slightly envious of these muslimah that can pull the look. Try scrolling the Instagram, you'll find tons of freelance muslimah model. They are pretty and if you look at the number of followers they have, it'll reach thousands. 

Then there is this one day, when a friend of a friend told me about her struggle to keep wearing a niqab. She was having a health problem, so she had to take it off due to doctor's instruction and she don’t want me to assume anything about her wearing on and off of the niqab. I told her that it is fine, as long as she did it for Allah's sake, then everything would be fine. To be honest, was not really paying attention to what I told her, only later then I realised, that's true. One of the reason why you are wearing a niqab is to cover yourself so that you would be modest and to please God. Then why would you have an Instagram account full of pictures of yourself? Would it not then defeat the purpose you are wearing the niqab? 

So as for me, I am wearing a hijab and the purpose of it is to cover myself, why would I want to expose myself unnecessarily online where people can easily access them? To whom I am showing myself really? Should not I be worry about what God thinks of me rather than what other people think of me? Why should I worry about whether these people think I am attractive or not? Look, I am not telling you can't dress nicely, I am just asking for what you are doing that? I think it is safe to say that everyone like pretty things, so we also like ourselves to be pretty but how pretty is pretty? Is it wearing eyeshadow that was combined with four colours or wearing red striking colour lipstick is needed to be considered pretty? I am not saying that I don’t do all these things but I am trying to really get the hang of what really is to cover the awrah. 

I just realised I haven't properly addressed what is meant by aurah. I'll do it next post I hope, I need to really have time to check my sources and it'll take a lot of time and time is not my friend right now, so I am sorry!

"Awrah is parts of the body, for both men and women, which should not be visible to the public." 

I'll explain better next time for as for now, you'll have to hold onto that first.

"I need the account because I like looking at those beautiful sceneries and I like to share some of nice pictures I've taken as well"

This has been on my head a lot because I think I took good photos. Well, there are some people who told me that I got good collection of photos but really, when I think again, who am I kidding? Why would I put those small numbers of photos on Instagram when there are so many people posting better photos? Besides, come to think of it, posting those photos on Instagram does not give me pleasure anymore. It feels kinda empty. Haha 'empty', kidding.

"Does it mean that I am showing-off because I only shows good stuff in there?"

This one right here has been bugging my mind since that conversation with a friend. She told me that she's jealous with the lives of some people she followed on Instagram. They seemed so stress-free, feels like there's no problem in their life and they are completely happy with their life. And these feelings, sometimes makes her feel like she wanted to switch her life with them. I have to admit, sometimes, I acknowledged how lucky are some people to be having a very successful life without any struggle. Alright, to make it easier, this is roughly how the conversation went.

Friend : You know what Sab, sometimes I feel like switching my life with those successful people I saw on Instagram. They are smart, beautiful, confident, knowledgeable and their life seems so perfect. 

Me : Ah really? How do you know? 

Friend : Well, I looked at their photos, they seemed happy. Travelling here and there, got a lot of presents, know a lot of stuffs, very kind and as if they had no problems at all. How is it Sab, is it possible for people not to have problem? Why can’t I have life like them? 

Me : Ah well then, rather than envying them, you should get jealous with me also. I looked happy as well. 

Friend : No, I know your stories. No offence, you are happy but I know your struggles as well. Not really the prefect life. 

Me : So there you go. People put stuffs on Instagram of what they want others to see. Not many people display their struggles online. Then people won’t be jealous of that anymore right? You would obviously post a picture of a fancy dinner with friends than a picture of you staying late night till 2 a.m. with nobody with you. My mum used to tell me, people forget that they are showing-off when they post pictures online.

Well, the conversation is longer but yeah the gist of it is that many of us chose to post things that look nice and good for others to see. And when people compliment or tell you how lucky you are, so feel blessed. Really? Do you need some people to tell you how lucky you are for you to really feel lucky?

As for myself, I've been posting a lot of my photos here in Sydney. Am I like showing-off on how amazing is my life here? What if all those pictures somehow instill a sense of dissatisfaction that people started to want more? What if because they looked at my pretty handbag, they wanted to get the same also even though they don’t need to have one? What if they feel pressured because it seems like everyone is travelling including Sab, that they need to that as well despite that it somehow led them to a unhealthy lifestyle? What if what I've been doing caused people to live like me and people stopped being grateful with what they had and wanted more and more? 

"Remember that in Islam, if we cooked something and our neighbour can smell the food, we have to feed them as well. But nowadays, we cooked something good and shared it online- for what really? What happen to the teaching? "

It slapped me hard on this, really. I've been doing that a lot. *sigh* 

This post is getting lengthy, I'll probably should go back to study. I'm having exams on 18th, 21st, 23rd and 25th June. I would like to humbly request duaa from you guys, really need them for me to ace this exam. I'll update more after my exam, if God wills. Oh by the way, I hope it is still not too late but Ramadhan Kareem! Hopefully we'll get the barakah from this holy month, Ramadhan. We've got less than 20 days to enjoy this amazing gift from God, so make the full use of this month!

I'll write more on this topic later, but in the mean time, feel free to give some feedback on this. Especially those people who've been asking for my missing blog. Korang baca baca gak, aku cakap tak betul tolonglah betulkan. Jangan baca je.

Till then. :D

Meet Lonely

It was almost midnight when her mum gave birth to her. Her dad was out somewhere looking for food, maybe he was just panicked that he's getting a baby. Her mum told her that the pain beyond words to be explain. She didn't cry at first that the doctor had to slap her hard on the back for her to cry. Then she began crying. Mum and dad love her so much, for 2 years. Then they got another baby and another. And she started to live independently.

Oh, and her name is Lonely.

Now she's old enough to drive her own car but she don’t do that often because she didn’t own any car. She likes travelling using public transport because it is easy and she can save herself from the need to think about where to park. But really, the fact that she likes using the public transport is because she'll get to be alone in a crowded place. There's a comfort in that situation for her.

Lonely likes being alone. She studied alone, she cooks alone, she walks alone. Lonely is not lonely though. She just like being alone. You can call her an introvert but she don’t really care about that. Lonely has many great friends, many good friends but her friends always kept their distance to her. Because Lonely despise people who keep pushing her to talk. She hated overwhelming attention. Sometimes she'll just ignore people because she had no intention of talking.



Lonely listen well though. She's fine to listen to people but sometimes she can't take it because people keep telling her same old stuffs that she has been giving response so many times. Lonely just don’t get why people are so ignorant of themselves. Why people keep complaining without doing anything. Lonely still don't get it.

Lonely get tired easily because she chose that. She chose to get tired easily and be a couch potato and stay in her room and read. She know that she get to decide for the choices in her life. So she chose things to her desires so that she cannot complain. If she complain, then she has to answer it herself because she's the one that is responsible for that. Even though she was complaining about other people's behaviour, it is still her fault because she chose not to correct them. She chose to keep quiet and therefore she cannot expect anything to happen because no action was taken. So often, Lonely is not bothered about what's going on because she chose to.

Lonely sometimes want to scream to some people that keep bugging her, asking her what's her problem. She wanted to tell them to go away but Lonely was scared that they might never ever come back so she stay quiet and just ignore them.

Lonely don’t get why people always pity people that drink coffee alone, that reads alone, watch movie alone; she likes doing all that. Lonely thinks that she can enjoy herself alone. She's got no one else's preferences to consider, she don’t need to spend time discussing about what's the best with another person, she can just decide in little time possible. She'll go out to bookstore any time randomly and she likes that. She don’t have to wait for anyone to get ready, she can save herself from picking a topic of conversation, she can walk at a pace to her liking or even changing the pace from time to time, that's up to her.

It just that,

Lonely don't feel lonely at all but people don’t get it. Even if they told Lonely they get it, they don’t seemed to.

Jangan cepat menghukum

Hola :)

It's around 4 p.m. Sunday and I am waiting for the rice to cook. At the moment I am so freaking hungry because I forgot to eat the whole day and now I cannot study so here I am. I shouldn't be posting something personal but oh well this is a reminder for myself, thought that you guys might want to be reminded as well.

*sorry the title is in Malay, because at first wanted to write in Malay but haha I am getting annoyed with those red lines so let's go English* (I don't need to mention this but this is a personal post so yeah whatever)

Okay. Enough ramblings, so here it is. It started with something I tweeted couple of days ago, as shown below. 

And a friend responded and I replied as well;

So, at that moment, to be honest, I told myself,
'It's fine Sab, you are not simply judging this person. You have valid reasons to claim what you've tweeted.'

The impression that I am getting from Yasir's response is that he wanted me to take a moment to give the friend a chance to explain her/his behaviour before I said whatever I said. He might have wanted me to have husnudzon to this friend of mine. But yeah, I do take into considerations of what he reminded me but it just that, at that moment I can’t rationalise thing so I said what I want to say without thinking twice.

The thing is, today I went to the city to buy some stuffs for my projects and I bumped into this 'friend'. Okay, let's call this friend 'Z'. So Z started by asking me how I was doing and whether everything is alright. Z told me about the project they are doing and it is not working so it is taking a lot of their time. In other words, Z is busy. Which means that what Yasir said is true. (Tahniah Yasir, kau betul ah this time haha)

So yeah, I didn't talked much to Z at the moment because Z's friend is there as well and when I was about to take my leave from the store, Z said to me,
"Sab, kalau ada apa-apa ke anything ke, just rogerlah"

So, maybe I should start telling Z things Z need to know. And I should not just simply punish Z because I myself didn’t even asked Z how Z was doing. I am pretty sure Z have absolutely no idea what was going on and it is so not fair for me to simply throw the fault at Z when Z didn’t do anything.

This simple incident made me reflect a little bit on how lately I've been analysing my friends, maybe a little bit too much? Haha a friend told me that I over-analysed things, I might starting to agree with him. Lol. Should probably stop doing all these 'over'-actions. Anyway, back to analysing friends, I should have never done that. I should not expect everyone should be the same. I should not analyse my friends, I should get to know them more and embrace them for whom they are. Some friends, they did all those checking up on you from time to time. While some others, they believed that if there is something you wanted to talk to them, you would just talk about it. I forgot about that, about having trust and reliance to your friends!

And of course, I was reminded about the assumption part as well. To have positive assumptions to your friends. Which lead me to this;

I didn't have the link of the video my friend mentioned up there but yeah, that verse from the Quran was really something ey? Avoid negative assumption.

I guessed that's all for the time being from me. This post is a reminder for me and if there's anything else you want to add to it, feel free to drop in your comments! :)

Have a wonderful day people! 

The nightingales are drunk, by Hafez

Hello there, 

I just wanted to do a quick post here about a book I've finished reading last week.

Bought this book from bookdepository.com

I got this book less than a week after I put my order and what do you know, it came with a wonderful bookmark! I gotta say, I love the bookmark! Oh yes, I coloured them myself hehe, now now I am considering to buy that colouring book because it so fun to do. hehe.

Anyway, back to this book. I, honestly, didn't actually do much poetry, not really a fan but you know, reading beautiful sentences, compiled in certain way, with deeper meaning, you just enjoyed doing that. A friend asked me where I got the idea of reading this book by Hafez, tbh, I can't remember. But I know somewhere somehow, I got introduced to this person, Hafez *or at least to his work kihkihkih*

I don't fully understand the book, much of the poems were talking about a drunk man, not sure whether due to wine or love but he is drunk and intoxicated. But there are certain things Hafez mentioned that worth to be pondered upon. About how the greater sorrow can cause greater joy and some sort of other things as well.

If you searched for this book on Goodreads, you'll find too many negative comments that might get you uninterested with this book. But it worth a read, at least once, haha. For my friends here, if you feel like reading this, you can always borrow this book from me. It'll take you a day to finish it, less actually but yeah, just tell me, and I'll lend you the book.

Anyway, that's all from me, gotta run now, I got a lab session starting in 5 minutes.

BYE! 

Those years we've been living

*When your mind's made up - Glen Hansard*

This is my second attempt in blogging today, I wrote a draft just now and it is full with negative questions. More like me whining on things that are out of my control. Oh well, I guessed sometimes I do have those frustration when dealing with people and life, generally. 

Anwyay, last Monday, it was my best friend's birthday. She is a special soul that knowing her has been a great privilege for me. She turned 22 that day. Thinking about it, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend early this year. We were discussing about our life and suddenly one of us said something like, 

"Kita dah 22 kot tahun ni, dah kena matang. Bukan 20 ke 21, tapi 22," 

What an age right? To turn 22. I know most probably someone older would say something like, 

"Chill, 22 is nothing, wait another 10 years. You'll see how young you were when you are 22." 

I can't deny that, really, but knowing that you are finally turning 22, just kinda scares me a little *well, I am not yet 22 haha* but yeah, 22 is just a figure to make it easier for me to explain. So where I was just now? Oh yes, it scares me a little, ok not, a lot. Knowing that I am getting closer to my death. *pheww aura dak usrah dah keluar kihkih* But yeah, once, a friend sent me a birthday wish saying, 

"So you've lived for 19 years, enough for Jannah?" 

Sobs. 

On another note, let me talk you about another thing. Like my friend up there, there's no need to be too worry about what you ought to know at the age you are right know. Yes, you are 22 or 40 but always remember that you have lived those years of your life. Only your life. It is totally fine to not knowing what to do sometimes. Like, when you are 22 and you have absolutely no idea how to make a curry-puff, *sorry, I've been planning to make them for a while now, so haha* it is alright. It is alright because not everybody have the chance to learn how to make them while they are younger. 

It is fine if things you did, do not turned out they way they are supposed to. It is okay if you keep stumbling on failures and felt that life is getting difficult. Life is difficult, nobody said it was gonna be easy. But always remember, things that are worth, usually come with a price. It may be these pain you are currently experiencing, so you have to keep moving on and have perseverance. 

Always remember that the things in your life cannot be found in other people's. It may be similar but never the same, so be grateful and always remember to treasure them well. What you have experienced would never be the same thing for anyone else. And remember that we will always learn something every time. 

*Fallen from the sky - Glen Hansard* 

"You've lived 22 years, what a long time, but hey, it is only been 22 years of your life. There are so many things happening in other people 22 years of living. So chill, you don't have to know everything. It's alright to make mistakes and admit that you don’t know. :)" 

I might be saying things that doesn’t seem to make sense to you but ohwells, sometimes I don't get myself as well. Haha. but to end this post, just remember that you should never restrict yourself from growing and knowing the better of you. 

BYE!

*Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard*